We need to talk
Darlings, we need to talk. We need to talk about the world, and how yours is, and how you can decide what kind of world you want to live in. I’m talking, in particular, about how you think about bodies and yourself.
Now, I live quite a sheltered life, in a way. I don’t read blogs about workouts or dieting or “how to live a healthier life” (which is usually just a different way of saying that the blog is about workouts and dieting). I don’t read tabloids, or gossip pages. I stay away from reality shows. I don’t have to spend time with people who obsess over appearance, or how fit they are, or how many calories or carbs they ate that day. These are choices I’ve made consciously, because I know they won’t do anything good for me. My world is, in short, somewhat gentle when it comes to how it makes me feel. Which is why I get SO FURIOUS, and scared, when I look at the top blogs in Norway nowadays.
I won’t link to anyone, both because I won’t lead you guys there and because I don’t want to single out a poor young blogger (though you can get a general impression here; remember to set the country to Norway). Is this truly the world the majority of young girls and women live in these days? Is this just part of their normal life, something they’re used to, and seek out every single bloody day?
There are endless photos of young bloggers (mostly girls), posing semi-naked and perfectly made up, often with their head cropped out of the photo. Just a body, because that’s all you need to see, right? Hundreds of posts with “healty recipies” – true, some of them are healthy, and I’m all for promoting health, but these blogs aren’t promoting health. They just pretend, while creating one more thing to obsess over, to struggle with. Thousands of posts concerning workouts: how much, how long, how heavy, how many, how exhausting. How you can always get better, and never be good enough.
These are beautiful girls. They are young, they are lovely, they are eager to please. Working on their appearance has become a full-time job, and it gets more and more extreme. A seventeen year old girl (yes, let’s not forget, she is still a girl) blogs about her trip to some warm, exotic country, and frets over how she’s not tan enough yet, and has to spend all day at the beach tomorrow to burn herself properly. Another posts “fitness inspiration”, with pictures of girls with their head cropped out, just a perfectly muscled body, with the words “sweat is fat crying” pasted on top. In capitals.
I worry. I worry for the girls themselves, who seem to feel that their only worth in this world is how they look. How life itself is merely a way of improving on your appearance, where each day must make you a prettier, thinner and fitter version of yourself. I worry for the blog readers, who are fed several posts of this a day – which creates such a flow of impressions that there’s hardly any way you can stop it from affecting you. It sneaks up on you. Girls of sixteen with breast implants. Who burn their skin in tanning machines so their perfect boyfriend won’t be more tan than them. Who count every carb that touch their lips, because that’s just what you’re supposed to do nowadays.
Darlings, this has got to stop. I’m serious. We have to fight this. It’s hurting everyone, and it’s already gone so far that it’ll be extremely hard to change things. But we have to do it. Yeah, you, I’m talking to you. Here’s what we’re going to do.
We’re going to tell everyone listening that nobody owes it to the world to be pretty. We’re going to root for other people, and to make them aware of how wonderful they are. We’ll dare to be imperfect, and do it loudly and proudly. We’ll make sure everybody near us knows the world is about so much more than looks, approval and being good. We’re not going to let anyone talk badly about their bodies. Really, every time someone says something bad about their appearance, we’ll say “honey, you are amazing, and I won’t let you think thoughts like that”. And we’ll look at them and make sure the message sinks in.
We won’t give a single fuck as to what number it says on the tag inside our clothes. We’ll block thinspo from every computer we can get our hands on. We’ll flood everyone we know, even strangers, with body-positive messages. We won’t let even small comments like “ugh, I hate my thighs” pass us by without interfering, stopping, challenging. We’ll remember that every single photo we see in print or online has been photoshopped. We’ll work on our own feelings about ourselves every single day, and we’ll set a new example.
We’ll decide how our world should be, and we’ll banish the things that can darken it and make us feel bad. We’ll simply banish them, and every time they try to sneak their way back in, we’ll kick them out again, and again. And we’ll start right now. This is too important.
Are you with me?
Oh wow, thank you so much. That was absolutely brilliantly written and far too true.
I’m glad you liked it, Hanna, so thank you, too
This post made me want to raise my voice and shout “heck yes I’m with you!”. (But I’m pretty sure the librarian would be less than happy with me if I did.)
Seriously though, this is all so true, and something I’ve been dealing with every day for the last two years since I started pole dancing. Regardless what people might assume about a workout where women spend a lot of time in skimpy clothing around both friends and strangers, it is the most supportive environment I have ever been in. While we all have our insecurities, we are incredibly good at bringing up those around us. No one is allowed to criticize their own body (or anyone else’s, duh) and get away with it. We constantly remind each other how strong, how smart, how talented we are, and while there’s definitely a lot of “gosh your abs look amazing” kind of compliments, there are just as many “I can’t believe how fast you understood that new trick!” or “Look at how pretty your toes are pointed” compliments.
And I definitely think it’s time to set a line for what’s actually considered healthy, and what’s just pretending to be healthy while really obsessing about being attractive enough. Because really, attractive enough for what? For life? Last time I checked, no one was ever kicked out of life for not being pretty enough.
So much more I could say about this, but since I have a midterm to get to, let me just say that you have once again hit the nail on the head, and that I will spread this post to everyone I know.
Haha, yeah, I’m sure that librarian wouldn’t be too happy
It’s wonderful to hear about your experiences with the pole dancing community, I’m glad you’re all so conscious about the whole thing
Oh, and good luck on your midterm!
Halleluja!
Kunne ikkje ha vore meir einig. Når eg spør lillesyster (14 år) om ho les den og den toppbloggen, og kva ho synast om silikonpuppane og restylaneleppane, blir eg ofte bekymra når eg får høyre at “ja, det er jo heilt ok med silikon, du må jo få bestemme sjølv” eller “restylane er jo eit naturleg stoff”. Eg er veldig glad for at ho ikkje har pengar nok til å gjere liknande inngrep, og håpar at ho aldri får det, for visst det blir framstilt som vanleg å sprute ting inn i kroppen eller å legge seg under kniven for utsjåandet sin del, trur eg at mange unge jenter vel å gjere akkurat det… og det skremmar meg.
Ikke sant? Det er én ting for oss som kan huske en tid før hele bloggegreia tok av, men for de som vokser opp med dette som hverdag, så må jo ting unektelig bli helt annerledes. Jeg er enig med søsteren din i at både silikon og restylan er opp til hver enkelt, og jeg er ikke imot det heller – så lenge det er voksne mennesker med en kropp som er ferdig utviklet, og en selvfølelse som ikke angripes av bøttevis av hormoner hvert sekund.
Nettopp! Eg synst at aldersgrensa på alt sånt burde vere 23 år eller noko, fordi du kan faktisk kome til å angre, og dei fleste er usikre på seg sjølv i tenåra og t.o.m tidleg tyveårsalderen. Det at du kan gjere slike ting straks du fyller 18, og kanskje t.o.m før viss du har lov frå foreldrane dine, synst eg ikkje er ok. For det første er det slettes ikkje sikkert at kropp og sinn er ferdig utvokst til då, og i slike tilfeller er det berre greit med litt ekstra betenkningstid. Eg har ei tatovering eller to frå eg var 18, som eg ikkje akkurat angrar på, men som eg ikkje hadde tatt viss eg skulle ha bestemt meg i dag, som 21-åring. Det er rart kva berre to-tre år gjer med sånne ting.
Åh, ja – jeg skjemmes ikke over hvordan jeg var for to-tre år siden, men jeg merker veldig godt hvor mye jeg har forandret meg, og hvordan jeg tenker helt annerledes om mange ting. Tenk så spennende folk vi skal bli om ti år, tjue år, tretti år, da!
Skal sies da, jeg tok en brystreduskjon så snart jeg var 18. Men det blir muligens noe annet? Hadde slitt så lenge med vond rygg og skuldre og var en I cup, som i isbjørn. Jeg angrer ikke nå (to år senere, og tviler på at jeg kommer til å angre i fremtiden)
Synes det er bekymringsverdig hvor lett ungdom tar på operasjon da, det er ikke som å klippe håret.
Det blir noko anna når kroppen din (eller puppane dine) skapar problemar for deg. Ryggsmerter er ikkje noko artig, og då er det vel like greit å gjere noko med det?
Men det er som du seier, ungdom tek utruleg lett på operasjon, og ein ser supertynne jenter som gladeleg legger seg under kniven for ei e- eller f-cup, eller sagt med andre ord, for ryggsmerter. For så masse pupp på så liten kropp må jo bety ryggsmerter, eller?
Eg er som sagt ikkje nødvendigvis imot plastisk kirurgi, og i alle fall ikkje viss det kan fjerne eit problem, men eg synst det er altfor mange unge jenter som berre tek ein operasjon “for at #yolo”, liksom. Når det er snakk om å forandre utsjåandet, og berre det, kan ein godt tenke seg litt om, for det er kjipt å angre seinare i livet på noko ein gjorde fordi ein ikkje var 100% nøgd og hadde pengane til å gjere noko med det.
J og Isabel under her: jeg er helt enig i at det er noe annet å operere seg fordi kroppen gjør ting vanskelig – jeg er ikke der at jeg har vurdert brystreduksjon, men når til og med mine kan være skikkelig slitsomme, så har jeg full forståelse for at noen velger å operere seg
Ikke er jeg egentlig imot plastisk kirurgi generelt, heller. Jeg bare skulle ønske det ikke var såpass vanlig å gjøre det som 17-åring, rett og slett.
I absolutely agree! Fortunately, I think that most of us are getting more and more aware of the insane amount of photoshopping that goes into every photo everywhere. But what scares me even more is that I don’t think we realise the crazy amount of “real-life photoshopping” that makes celebrities look the way they do, even before they’re snapped on film! Most of the time it seems like the “perfect” bodies of actresses, bloggers, models etc. are not hard to obtain. Like, you will always hear these famous women, these rolemodels, say things like “I really eat a lot” or “I don’t really care what I eat. But once in a while I’ll go for a ten minute run”. You never hear how models starve for days before a runway show, or that singers/actresses/bloggers actually spend hours each day working out and pampering their looks in other ways. It’s part of their job, and in a way we’ll probably have to live with that. But there’s no way that’s attainable for a “normal” woman with a full-time job or school plus sparetime activities, cooking, cleaning etc. No way! Then add some plastic surgery, the mandatory fillers, makeup/hair artists, stylists AND Photoshop…
I have been thinking a lot about this for the past year or so, and I’m so glad I started realising how things actually work – but so many women out there still don’t, and even I sometimes catch myself thinking “if only I looked like *insert size 0-celebrity here*” – and I’m a size 4!! So thank you for this reminder! I will definitely try to keep it in mind (even more) when hearing women talking badly about their bodies.
Being a photoshop teacher, I think about this A LOT. As you say, people are fortunately getting more aware of the digital photoshopping – but sadly not with the real-life kind (very well put, by the way!). Isn’t it weird how one can be very much aware of all the trickery, and still completely forget it from time to time? I think we get better with time, though, especially with a few reminders along the way
I’m glad I could be one for you!
I’m so already there, I have been waving this flag as best I could for years now!
<3 you are an inspiration!
Welcome to the revolution, darling! And thank you <3
Eni me dæ. Folk burde bi tryggar på sæsjøl å ikkje heile tia føle at dæm ikkje e go nok/fin nok. Å folk burde slutte å ønske at dæm så ut som nån andre å heller tænke på kor spesiell å fin dæm sjøl e.
Men samtidi e d vikti å huske på at d at nån tæll kaloria eller karbohydrata å/eller at dæm like å træne ikkje betyr at dæm e dom eller gal.
Æ må næstn alltid forsvare at æ spis lavkarbomat førrdi andre har en tendens t å tru at æ jør d førr å slanke mæ, å nån ganga må æ førrsvare koffør æ træne så mye som æ jør vess æ e inne i en periode me mye sprækhet. D e like idiotisk som at overvæktie skal få stygge blikk vess dæm f.eks. spis en sjokolade i offentlihet.
Ja tel sælvtillit å å se å kommentere alle di fantastiske egenskapan tel (sæsjøl å) andre
Ah, æ ser æ kanskje ikkje formulerte mæ tydelig nok der oppe – førr æ e _heilt_ enig med dæ i at d at man tælle kaloria eller karbohydrata eller e opptatt av helsa si generelt, ikkje automatisk betyr at man e gal eller fanatisk, absolutt ikkje. Problemet æ har med bloggeopplegget nu førr tida, e at alt har en sånn følelse av besettelse. Det blir liksom det viktigste i verden – kanskje ikkje alltid førr selve bloggeren engang, men man ser av kommentaran at det e mange skikkelig unge jente der ute som mislike sæ sjøl, og som meine at å få en perfekt kropp e det einaste som kan gjøre at livet dæmmes føles verdt nåkka. Fæle greier.
Når det e sagt, så i Min Ideelle Verden (yeah, med store bokstava) e alle sjef over sine egne underbukse, og de avgjørelsan man tar om sæ sjøl e ens egen sak. Æ syns d e akkurat like feil at folk kommentere at du spis lavkarbo, eller hvis en person trene mye, som at dæm kommentere at nån ikkje e tynn. Tenk så fint d hadde vært om folk ikkje sku synse så mye om alle andre heile tida? (si æ, som akkurat skreiv et heilt blogginnlegg der æ synsa om en heil masse greier
)
Æ sleng mæ på den siste der, æ: ja tel selvtillitt og fine ting!
i almost never post comments anywhere. but i must say – brava.
Thank you for coming out of the lurker zone, Hanna!
YES! Thank you for this!
“How you can always get better, and never be good enough.”
This is a message that is sent to us from all around that gets in under the skin to make one always feel less than. I’ve been struggling with this all my life. It takes on many forms, perfectionism, eating disorders, self-hate, etc. All of these have left their scars on me. I love that you are talking about these issues (they are all related) because they need to be discussed. We need to fight back with compassion and kindness. And I’ll stand with anyone who’s willing!
They are definitely related, and definitely need to be discussed. Thank you for commenting, Jennifer
Jennifer has a good point…. I’m firmly conviced that the problem, sadly, is even more deeply rooted that this. What we see in magazines, adverts, celebrities is only the enhanced, manipulated (for the sake of selling stuff) expression of the hate many women have for themselves.
This is only an intuition, but I feel like a lot of girls focus their anxieties on their appearance because deep down something is wrong but they just don’t know what exactly. I see so many pretty girls dismissing my compliments, complaining they have cellulite when they have nothing and this kind of things.
Maybe because we live in a world where everything is a competition. Maybe they think that being “perfect” will give less possibilities for other people to hurt them. Or they believe the more boys they attract or the more girls envy them, the better they will feel. It could be because they aren’t allowed to express aggressivity against other people so their frustration turns against themselves… It’s not just about appearance, it’s violence. I’m really not sure. If anyone has an idea on the subject…
by the way, if you don’t know the blog “eat the damn cake” yet make sure you check it out
Thanks for this response, Clara. This is all very cathartic for me – warning, all kinds of self-disclosure ahead!
All of the aspects you mention are so interconnected with this subject. Speaking for myself, the scariest part of all is that these thoughts you describe are subconscious (for me). I didn’t know I was a perfectionist and that I was constantly internally telling myself that my body would never be perfect. I didn’t know that all of the messages I received from culture and interpersonal interactions made me hate myself and my body. I didn’t know that when I worked on addressing my eating disorder that all of these subconscious self-hate beliefs would come to the surface because they had been suppressed deep down all my life. All of this was going on within and I had no clue except that I would feel strong compassion for other women that showed similar patterns or behaviors.
Now that I am addressing these issues with mental health professionals I really feel like I am making progress and acknowledging these inner self-hate beliefs – and trying to dispel them. But this has been brewing under the surface all my life. It pains me to think that this is not only my personal battle but is becoming one that so many women are all too familiar with. This culture of never ending perfection with complete absence of acceptance has got to stop. This conversation has got me thinking about how I can do my part to combat these negative cultural expectations. I’ve been trying to spread some love to those around me as a start while I learn to love myself as well.
Oh, I just went to “eat the damn cake”, thank you!
You hit the nail on the head with this one: “This is only an intuition, but I feel like a lot of girls focus their anxieties on their appearance because deep down something is wrong but they just don’t know what exactly.” Because if you don’t know what’s wrong, your body is the first thing that comes to mind simply because it’s something you can SEE. Well put, Clara. And thank you for the blog tip – Kate has been one of my favourite writers for a long time now!
This was beautifully written, and it carries such an important message. I’ve been trying (and mostly succeeding) at getting over my own hang-ups and insecurities for years, and once I realised that it’s so much easier to just _stop_ hating your body, I gained so much confidence. Recently, I’m trying as best I can to help others in the fight, to just get out of this mindset.
I think it’s incredibly important, and I’m so glad to see people on board with it!
Oh, that just hit the nail on the head, Sarah! _Stopping_ the self-hate is one of the best ways to gain confidence. I actually have a draft for a post about that already, so it’s super-interesting to see that others share my thoughts on the matter
Dette er utrolig fint skrevet og veldig sant.
Det er nødt til å bli mer elsk kroppen din slik den er-kampanjer og ikke mer “thinspiration”.
Jeg vil da i samme slengen anbefale kokeboken til Sophie Dahl/the delicious Miss Dahl!
Det ene er jo at det er enormt masse god mat der, men hun forteller litt om hvordan vi kvinner må slutte å tenke på vaskebrettmager og at det å være sexy er ikke likestilt med å være tynn og ha sprettrumpe!
Og det er egentlig veldig sant, du kan være utrolig sexy uten å passe i størrelse 4!
Sophie Dahl er nydelig, rett og slett!
Hi Maria,
I’m a long time reader but a lazy commenter…:)
I just wanted to say that I completely understand what you’re talking about.
The time and energy girls/women spend working on their appearance and worrying about not being pretty enough is something that really concerns me. What I find particularly scary is the notion that pretty = happy.
A lot of us seems to think -consciously or not- that if you’re not beautiful you don’t deserve to get what you want out of life.
I blame the way girls are educated (at least where I’m from, there’s a certain emphasis on being “nice” and “good” rather than talented or outspoken…)but also the media. You can become a celebrity simply because you dress well (Alexa Chung?) and build a whole career around that…
But shouldn’t we be accomplished in something else beside looking good?
Ok, sorry for the long rambling
what I meant to say is thank you for writing this!
Hi Chiara! How sweet of you to comment, I really do appreciate it – though I like my lurking readers, too, of course
I agree with you, the “pretty=happy”-idea can be devastating. And there’s no need to apologize for rambling! I love rambling. And also, it’s so interesting to hear what all you guys thing, so no need to worry about being articulated and all that.
AMEN!
Hello Maria, I’ve been a long time reader (lurker) and I wanted to say thank you for this post- it is indeed an important message to get out to young girls of the world. Good looks are not the ultimate thing to strive for in this world. I agree with pretty much everything you said- encouraging people to be body positive, to learn to love and appreciate our own bodies, etc. I do have one question though. Why do we have to ‘block thinspo from our computers’? I always feel so conflicted about this. I am a thin girl- always have been- it’s just the way my body is built. To say that thinspo is bad..isn’t that just making people who are thin feel bad too? This is an honest question. I am not promoting ‘pro-ana’ or in any way saying that the ultimate body is a thin body. I believe the whole ‘do it for the thigh gap!’ mantra is sad and ridiculous. It’s just that as much as people can cry ‘real women have curves!’ I too am a real woman- even if I shaped like stringbean. Thinspo is definitely not my own inspiration but to put it in a negative light is not helping the cause either. Or am I just understanding this part wrong?
Hi Ivy
I’m glad the post struck a chord with you. It can sometimes be hard to write posts like these, as it’s so easy to be misunderstood if I don’t explain my thoughts thoroughly enough. I do hope you believe me when I say that I agree with you 100% about the “thin-shaming” that’s been going on for some years now.
In fact, one of the books that are required reading (“Colour me Confident”) for my fashion students, there are a couple of pages with the headline “Real women have curves”. I cut those pages from the curriculum the moment I saw them. I also discuss the matter thoroughly with my students. We also talk about how it’s important not to automatically assume things, such as that a heavy woman is desperate to look slimmer, or how a lady with a straight figure whishes she was an hourglass. In my opinion, no body is wrong, it’s as simple as that.
But I do mean what I said about blocking thinspiration. What I could have explained better is how I define “thinspiration”, and why I’m against it (so I’ll do it here in the comments instead). Firstly, at least the way I see it, thinspiration is just what the word says: inspiration for thinness. It’s images that set a very thin body as the one and only ideal; the ultimate goal and holy grail in terms of bodies. Girls and women (and increasingly also boys and men) use it to obsess over their own bodies, and how they differ from the thinspiration ideal.
Forgive me if I’m repeating myself, but I want to say it again: I have absolutely nothing against thin bodies. The thing is, thinspiration isn’t something as simple as a picture of a thin body, it’s a tool that can be extremely harmful. Instead of encouraging people to appreciate the bodies they have – the body they’ll spend their entire life in, that can do so many wonderful things! – it encourages a whole flood of negative thoughts and behaviour patterns.
Thinspiration doesn’t focus on health, as it’s absolutely possible to not be thin, but still healthy, and being thin doesn’t automatically equal health. Thinspiration promotes an external idea based entirely on appearance, with the main target group being girls and young women. The underlying message seems to be “your body is not good enough”. And that’s what I’m against; that message, not the body size the pictures portray.
I hope that explained my statement a bit more? I’d love to hear your (or anyone elses) thoughts on thinspiration!
Hi Maria,
Thanks for your reply. I understand what you mean when you say it’s difficult to write about these things, talk about these things…sometimes I ever wonder if women can really ‘win’ this battle that’s coming in from all sides- ourselves, other people, the media, the male gaze, social expectations, etc…when will this end? Where is the peace?!
I’m so grateful that you talk about this with your students. You are right. No body is wrong. Thank you for explaining what you meant about thinspiration. I completely understand what you mean by it being a tool that can be very, very harmful. My whole life I’ve been underweight. I never really had a problem with my body- sure, of course I went through the awkward teenage years learning how to apply makeup for the first time, dealing with teenage acne, figuring out how to buy clothes like the pretty girls in class….all memories that I chuckle at when I reminisce. I was always a bit shy about being so skinny, and I’ve had my fair share of teasing and worrying from friends and family, but for the most part I didn’t give it a second thought. The really funny thing is, it wasn’t until this whole ‘thinspo’ trend started on Tumblr that I started doubting myself! And I’m still underweight to this day and I know this, but suddenly there’s all this pressure to maintain that thigh gap (which I’ve always had but had no idea it was sooooo important) or other silly things like that. And I still deal with all these weird, conflicting thoughts, especially when there come days where I stand in front of the mirror and just feel crummy about my body.
There is a certain point when an ideal figure becomes unhealthy- whether it’s a thin figure or not. Personally I don’t see anything wrong with striving for a certain aesthetic (if I had the means to buy a custom corset and achieve that Dita Von Teese- like waist I would in a jiffy! I find that aesthetic so lovely). But of course, when it becomes obsessive and when it becomes the ‘ultimate’ ideal that should be applied to every young girl, woman, man…then we have a problem. And you’re right- this is the problem we are facing right now. And it’s sad, and it’s scary.
So I think whatever body we see in the current magazines that makes us think ‘your body is not good enough’ is what we indeed need to rise against, to question. It’s funny how in previous decades the ideal body was a much more curvaceous one, and there was pressure on the less-curvy girls to get those curves! I guess where we all stand right now is just learning how to support one another, how to embrace ourselves and our own bodies, and just remember and keep remembering that we should never judge anyone by their outer appearance only.
You know, I’ve never really articulated my thoughts like this. Thank you for the opportunity for discussion and letting me write this all out. And thank you for the post (and reading this one, haha!)
Oh, thank YOU, Ivy, for sharing your thoughts and story. This really is the best part of having a blog; hearing what others out there think about things.
This was such a powerful posts. I know you are trying to be polite in not naming names but I’m so glad you at least linked to the Bloglovin as I had no idea what your average Scandinavian bloggers were like. They are all the same. I can’t tell the difference from one blog to another. I couldn’t even tell them apart from LA blogs apart from the writing and the language of course. Recognizing this do I truly appreciate what you are trying to achieve on the blog here. Well done and I support you 100% here.
Isn’t it completely puzzling how different the Norwegian/Scandinavian blogger world differs from other places? I agree with you completely: most of them, and especially the “top blogs”, are pretty much identical, in both content, style, opinions and even design/layout. There is actually a Norwegian term used to describe that kind of blog: “rosablogger”, wich translates to “pink blog/bloggers”.
There are some hidden treasures in our blogsphere as well, of course, but they don’t come anywhere near the lists over top blogs in Norway. The “pink blogs” are pretty much the only kind that everyday Norwegians are familiar with. I’m not saying I wish these “pink blogs” would disappear; they have just as much right to exist as other blogs. What concerns me is the almost total domination they have going on. These “pink blogs” may be all that young girls out there read nowadays, and they read it in such an amount that I don’t see how they can avoid being shaped by it.
There is no better day than the WW women day to read such a post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.
I read a great book about the current situation of women in our world (“Beautés Fatales” from Mona Chollet – unfortunately not translated in English), and she explains how, after 68′, women are not prisoner of home (relying on the husband’s salary) because they work, and not prisoner in their intimate life thanks to modern contraception. But, even if they – no we, look more free on the outside than 50 years ago, the truth is, we are more than ever prisoner of social norms, spending our time and money looking slim, young and beautiful. Like an invisible prison that stop us from thinking and realizing our true dreams.
And this invisible prison is reinforced by marketing, ads, celebrities, magazines, and blogs.
But the good news is, compared to 50 years ago, we actually can break free from it by refusing to get influenced by all this and to waste our time and self esteem on our looks.
I wrote a blog post about that when I read to aforementioned book, which is in English, if you are interested: http://the-nife.blogspot.fr/2012/04/on-looks-and-superficiality.html
I wish I could read French well enough to read that book – I might be able to stumble through Le Petit Prince with a dictionary next to me, but that’s about it. Your blog post is excellent, though, thank you for the tip!
Hi, just chiming in because I know of two books that sound similar:
The beauty myth by Naomi Wolf and Beauty and Misogyny by Sheila Jeffreys. I have read the first and recommend it; the second is a more radical work and can be found online, I have not read it all though. http://www.feministes-radicales.org/bibliotheque/
Thanks for the blog post! I spent so much of my teenage years obsessing over my looks and I still do. We don’t need that; we need to enjoy life first and foremost!
I’m With You! I’m With You!
We seem to have become a small army in here already, I’m thrilled!
Thumbs up! Det er vanskelig å skrive poster som dette, men det må gjøres mye oftere! Hurra! Superenig
Dette var et veldig fint innlegg å lese på en dag som denne, selv om det ble postet for to dager siden.
Også imponerende er at du har klart å skrive en lang, interessant og fengende ren tekstpost – det er det ikke så mange som får til. Du formidler et veldig viktig budskap flere hadde hatt godt av å lese( – det gjelder hele bloggen din og ikke bare dette innlegget). Tok forøvrig en titt på disse topplistene. Der var det mye skremmende. I alle fall for de leserne som sluker alt ukritisk. Det er forøvrig en fin setning i en Regina Spektorsang ang. det jeg tror ville ha vært et litt “sunnere” kroppsfokus enn det at en kropp må være tynn, veltrent, formfull eller hvaenn, og den går slik:
“I’ve got a perfect body, though sometimes I forget
I’ve got a perfect body cause my eyelashes catch my sweat”
Det burde vært flere som kunne promotere budskapet at “en kropp er en kropp, og så lenge den fungerer er det flott” – eller noe i den dur. (Øh.) Uansett, nå skriver jeg meg sikkert litt bort.
Bloggen din er er alltid så inspierende å titte innom! Du er kul. Jeg må bare si at jeg setter veldig stor pris på den.
Og gratulerer med dagen!
Jeg blir så glad når noen kommenterer skrivingen min – jeg elsker å skrive, men det er virkelig ikke lett! Så det er flott å høre at poster som denne kan fenge, og ikke trenger masse bilder for å bryte opp teksten. Takk, Liv
Topplistene er skumle, desverre. Og Regina-sangen er fantastisk! Takk for fine ord, kjære, og gratulerer på etterskudd til deg også.
Maria, this was so refreshing to read. Sometimes it’s so hard exist in the world when all we see are photoshopped images and idealized bodies. We really do need to spread this message all over the world. I’m here in California and I’m going to spread this everywhere I can!
Thank you for writing such inspirational posts.
I’m glad you’re with me, Shelby, thank you
I am almost speechless, Maria. Wow. You can move moutains with the words in this post. Wow. I sit here on my sofa, eating M&M’s and while reading your post the chocolate suddenly tastes better. It’s becuase I’ve been sitting here, eating my favourite chocolate on a monday with a feeling of being bad for doing so. Get it? I haven’t fully enjoyed this wonderful chocolate because my subconscious is telling me that it’s bad because it will make me fat. Terrible… But like I said, now it tastes better, it’s kind of a wake-up-call. I’m not saying that I from now on only will eat chocolate, or anything like that..no,no,no. I’m saying that when I decide to treat myself to a little chocolate(even on a monday) I will do so and truly enjoy it, without feeling bad.
And I am with you when it comes to helping others with their images of their own bodies, both women and men. I teach singing and I meet so many people who dosen’t dear to breath the right way, because it makes them look “fat”. Terrible. But, I am on it. I will do my best.
Oh, darling. We’re quite similar at times, you and I, aren’t we? Thank you for taking the time to comment, and for fighting the battle <3
I utgangspunktet synes jeg det er fint at man har lyst til å begynne å trene for å få mer overskudd og orke mer i hverdagen, men det er veldig få som begynner å trene for de grunnene virker det som.
I stor grad handler det om kroppsforakt – mange fører nærmest krig mot sin egen kropp. Trening bør handle om å bruke, pleie og ta vare på kroppen – ikke bryte den ned. Selvfølgelig er det lov til å ta i og bli både svett og sliten, men det skal være rom for å ha det moro og være fornøyd med seg selv. Å bli i fysisk bedre form hjelper lite hvis du knekker deg selv psykisk.
Jeg synes dette er så vanskelig, når et godt utgangspunkt blir så ekstremt og belastende. Klart er det flott at man er i aktivitet og velger sunnere alternativer, men man skal også leve.
Ikke sant? Det er veldig vanskelig å vite hvor grensene går, og når man kanskje beveger seg mot “farlig farvann”. Rart at noe som egentlig er ganske naturlig, kan bli så komplisert.
Vel. Der fikk jeg tårer i øynene og vondt i sjela fordi jeg vet hvor vanskelig nettopp dette har blitt for meg.
Jeg gleder meg til å jobbe med det, til å (forhåpentligvis) bli kvitt alt fokuset, alt det vonde som omhandler mat og kropp.
Du er et godt forbilde, en god inspirasjon til å kutte ut alt sånt. Jeg vil ha det ut av livet mitt, og jeg kunne ønske så mange andre også ville ta et standpunkt og kutte ut hysteriet.
Syk og sunn er to forskjellige ting, med en vanskelig linje imellom.
Jeg skal krysse fingre og tær og øyenvipper for deg, kine!
You know whats funny. After seeing what you meant with the norwegian blogosphere i switched it to germany (where i come from) – and there were almost only foodposts. Really seems to be a countryspecific thing. Us germans love to eat and to REALLY eat – not the pretentious avocado salmon tumblr skinny stuff, no I mean cheese and sausages and pasta.
I know, it’s almost shocking how homogeneous the top Norwegian blogs are. And those German blogs sound like something I should check out
Ja, det er skikkelig skummelt. Hadde vært en ting om moten var å faktisk ha en sunn og frisk kropp, men det går jo bare på utseendet. Jeg holder meg også unna alt du nevner, og det gjør så godt!
Særlig nå som mange _tilsynelatende_ fokuserer på å være sunn og frisk, men det ofte er tydelig at det ikke _egentlig_ er tilfelle. Best å bare holde seg unna, så godt det går, for når man først blir vant til ting er det veldig vanskelig å se det med friske øyne.
I hardly read any blogs as I surf for topics I’m interested in and read some of what comes up. Yours is an exception as you express yourself so very well.
Often I’m in conflict as I love to bake and make things to eat and all out there are all kinds of diets that people promote. Plus there’s a part of me wary of putting on weight year by year. Most days my head got it quite balanced between choice in lifestyle and keeping healthy. Luckily.
Other days my ideas can be all over the place.
Yes, I’m with you. Let’s do this.
I feel honoured! And I’m glad you’re on the team
I absolutely agree with you. You know, I think a lot of people have problems with finding the so called golden mean. The doctors say it’s good for you to be fit and eat well but some people just interpret it in an extreme way. If you manage to stay healthy you don’t have to starve and spend every day at the gym, but not everyone knows where to stop…
I sometimes feel so intimidated by the glossy magazines that show those perfect girls, I know they’re all photoshopped but nevertheless it lowers my self esteem…
Right? I think the only way I stop those glossies from affecting me _too_ much (because they always do it a _little_ bit, no matter how careful I am), is to remind myself it’s really a different world. It’s a bit like reading fantasy/sci-fi, really :p
Utrolig bra at du tar tak i dette! Vi må få endret holdningene til folk.
Ikke sant? Jeg tror jeg tenker ekstra mye over det siden jeg har tre yngre søstre OG er lærer – det blir ekstra mange folk man bryr seg om som er midt i risikosonen.
I completely agree with you. The desire to be “perfect” is such a vicious cycle. I always wonder what we are doing to our girls- it’s awful.
Thank you for having the courage to write this post. You are a breath of fresh air:)
Thank you, darling, Lindsay
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